Not the romantic kind – but about staying when things get hard.
If you ask a room of senior leaders what makes a great leader, the answers will sound familiar: vision, decisiveness, resilience, clarity. Occasionally, someone might mention empathy – almost as an afterthought.
But mention love in the context of leadership, and the room goes silent out of confusion, discomfort and sometimes with a nervous chuckle.
Love has long been exiled from the language of business – especially in the boardroom. It’s perceived as too soft. Too emotional. Too intimate. Too… risky.
And yet I want to talk with you about Leadership as a Love-story – not romantic, but real. As Gianpiero Petriglieri — professor at INSEAD, puts it:
“People don’t grow because you teach them.
They grow because you love them while they’re learning.”
It’s a simple, almost poetic idea. But behind it lies a radical challenge to how we think about leading, learning, and growing — especially in times of change and transition.
The Real Work of Leading
Leadership is often equated with knowing the answers. Delivering results. Making the call when no one else will. And yes, those things do matter and make a difference.
But the deeper work of leadership? That’s relational.
It’s about creating and holding space for others to stretch into new versions of themselves — without fear of abandonment or breakdown.
It’s about your presence – steady, even when growth is slow, messy, and uncertain.
That’s what Petriglieri calls love.
It’s the blind spot in most leadership for change and transition efforts.
We tend to focus on competence. On tools. On frameworks.
But people don’t transform because they’re handed a model.
They transform because someone saw them.
Stood with them.
Believed in who they were becoming, not just who they were.
The Myth of the Detached Professional
Somewhere along the way, leadership turned into performance. A performance of certainty, efficiency, and control.
Many leaders — especially high-achieving, analytical ones — learned to hide their emotions behind their expertise.
To push forward, even when their teams are silently falling apart.
Lets take Mark de Jong – a composite of the the ambitious commercial leaders I’ve worked with, he knows this story well.
He’s the Commercial Director who hits every quarterly target. His team performs. The numbers impress.
There’s fatigue, change-fatigue. Disconnection and dis-engagement. A gnawing sense that something’s missing.
His people don’t open up. Trust is transactional.
And when change comes — as it always does — they freeze. Or worse, they disengage.
Mark doesn’t need another playbook. He needs a shift in presence.
He needs to move from managing performance to holding space for transformation.
And that begins with love.
Love, Defined as Devotion
To be clear: this is not romance. It’s not about being soft, passive, or overly accommodating.
Love, in leadership, is devotion.
Devotion to another’s potential.
Devotion to staying present through discomfort.
Devotion to holding space without having to fix, rescue, or rush.
It’s easy to “lead” when people behave, perform, and deliver.
The real test?
How do you show up when your team is uncertain? Emotional? Failing?
Do you lean in — or shut down?
Do you control — or contain?
This is where love shows up. Or doesn’t.
Building Brave, Wise, Loved Spaces
Petriglieri has a haunting way of describing modern organizations:
“We’ve built workplaces where people are smart and scared, productive and depleted.”
He suggests we need spaces where people are not just efficient, but brave, wise, and loved.
This is not idealism. It’s the foundation of new and sustainable leadership.
Because growth doesn’t happen in fear.
Innovation doesn’t emerge in isolation.
And resilience doesn’t come from KPIs — it comes from connection.
If we want leaders who can lead through complexity, we need to teach them how to love.
Not sentimentally — but structurally.
How to create psychological safety.
How to hold presence.
How to stay, when others are tempted to run.
So What Does This Mean For You?
If you’re leading a team, a business, or a transformation — this is your invitation:
❯ Build spaces that allow for unpolished moments.
❯ Stay curious when people are uncertain, not just when they’re “on track.”
❯ Lead not from fear of failure, but from devotion to growth.
❯ And yes — love your people while they’re learning.
Because at the end of the day, people don’t remember the frameworks you taught them.
They remember that you stayed.
If this strikes a chord – let’s talk.
No pitch, no prep needed. Just a call to explore how your leadership story looks like.
Sometimes, one honest conversation is enough to shift the lens. Book your precious personal time via this link; https://calendly.com/margerieth-visser/discovery-meeting
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About the Author
Margerieth is a Consultant for Leading Commercial Change and Transition, INSEAD lecturer, and coached to over 1,500+ senior executives navigating commercial change. She has worked with clients like TCS (Tata Consulting Services), TechMahindra, and Stellantis on leading innovation and transformation.
Her work blends research, system dynamics, and deep human insight to help leaders shift from control to presence — and unlock lasting change.
www.unitedstateofminds.nl